• Den som sa advokater är smarta – han ljög

    Dessa citat är från en bok som heter Disorder in the American Courts, och handlar om vad folk verkligen sade i olika rättegångar, ord för ord. Man skrev ner dem och har publicerat dem.

    ATTORNEY:  What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

    WITNESS:     He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
    ATTORNEY:  And why did that upset you?
    WITNESS:     My name is Susan!

    ATTORNEY:  What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    WITNESS:     Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

    ATTORNEY:  This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    WITNESS:     Yes.
    ATTORNEY:  And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS:     I forget.
    ATTORNEY:  You forget?  Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

    ATTORNEY:  Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
    WITNESS:     We both do.
    ATTORNEY:  Voodoo?
    WITNESS:     We do.
    ATTORNEY:  You do?
    WITNESS:     Yes, voodoo.

    ATTORNEY:  Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS:  Did you actually pass the bar exam?

    ATTORNEY:  The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
    WITNESS:      He’s 20, much like your IQ.

    ATTORNEY:  Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS:     Are you shitting me?

    ATTORNEY:  So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS:     Yes.
    ATTORNEY:  And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS:     Getting laid.

    ATTORNEY:  She had three children , right?
    WITNESS:     Yes.
    ATTORNEY:  How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY:   Were there any girls?
    WITNESS:      Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

    ATTORNEY:  How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS:     By death.
    ATTORNEY:  And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS:     Take a guess.

    ATTORNEY:  Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS:     He was about medium height and had a beard
    ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS:     Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.

    ATTORNEY:  Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS:  No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    ATTORNEY:  Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    WITNESS:     All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

    ATTORNEY:  ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS:     Oral…

    ATTORNEY:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS:     The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
    ATTORNEY:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS:     If not, he was by the time I finished.

    ATTORNEY:  Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    WITNESS:     Are you qualified to ask that question?

    And last:

    ATTORNEY:  Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    WITNESS:     No.
    ATTORNEY:  Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS:     No.
    ATTORNEY:  Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS:     No.
    ATTORNEY:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS:     No.
    ATTORNEY:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS:     Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY:  I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    WITNESS:     Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.


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