För att belysa rädslan och fruktan för islam och muslimer. Denna dam berättade för sin familj om sitt val att bli muslim, och hon fick uppleva detta här. Jag har ofta haft vänner som velat konvertera men som fick avstå eller ge upp planerna just på grund av trycket från familj och vänner. Det är på engelska:
a bit worse than I had anticipated. I’m pretty sure if it wasn’t for my son, I would have been kicked out of the house last night.
”You’re not my daughter.” (mom)
”You’re not my sister.” (sister, obviously)
”You were my best friend and now you don’t even exist.” (mom)
”I’ve failed at my one duty in this life. I might as well blow my brains out.” (mom)
We got in such a heated argument about how my son would be raised that coming home from teaching today I was half afraid that I’d come home to find my son kidnapped. It was an irrational fear, but things are really not going well right now.
My dad is begging me to continue going to church with them. I’ve been adamant that I am past the questioning stage, so why would I continue to go. It would only be for ‘appearances’ and it would be a lie. Our church is small, and very close knit. The majority of people in attendance are related to me in one way or another. My absence will not go unnoticed. They will mourn me and my son, and pity my parents. I do feel bad for my parents, because I know what’s coming. But my continuing to pretend does not change the reality.
Hijab came up again. I finally just said, I’ve already been wearing it on weekends. ”Why!?!” ”I told you, I’ve been a Muslim since June, it’s something I feel I should do.”
Parental response…”You disgust me.” ”Who’s going to hire you with that Muslim rag on your head?”
sister, 25 years old, crying in her bed overhearing quietly responds ”no one.”
My brother doesn’t know. He’s 16, though, and fairly laid back, so while he won’t understand, I don’t think he’ll take it personally like the rest of them.
My mom has already taken care of Christmas. I will not be getting any gifts this year, it seems. I told her, ”I already bought your gift.” ”Take it back.” ”I’m still going to give it to you, and I still love you.”
She wouldn’t tell me she loved me. She said she didn’t feel any love. This morning she did reluctantly say it before i left, although now that it’s just us and the baby at home we’re kind of tiptoeing around each other.
I miss my best friends. (mom, sister) I hope all the anger and grief (and preaching) can get out now. I would love to eventually reach the point where we can agree to disagree.
Life as I knew it is over. I certainly hope it doesn’t stay in this current state forever, though.